Deep Down Fear

I don't have an affinity for things with multiple appendages, especially spiders. I have worked hard on overcoming my fear of these (typically) harmless creatures who are likely more threatened by me, and I must say, the fact that I didn't squash this big nasty lookin' guy was a signpost that I am doing better. I assume he came aboard my vehicle via sunflowers, which I desperately needed to harvest, dry and....use. Anyhow, he was spotted crawling around Esty's car seat base. Thankfully the little one was not with me, or she may have eaten him/her (I didn't check...).

Spider Motel, soon to be demolished, well, moved, dried, then disassembled.

I drove home and literally forget about the arachnid instantly, blaring some TVOTR, again, and planning the fall growing plans in the garden of my mind. As I began to unload the heady sunflowers, I noticed some pretty hefty webs crisscrossing that trusty car seat base....dang! I had forgotten! How endangering! How Cory of me! Alas, I had lost track of this beautifully threatening-looking spider. Was he on my shirt collar, waiting for me to notice it before sinking into my neck? Or was it waiting for the *click* of the car seat, hoping to find some less able prey? Either way, I wanted to get him outta my coche. And then it appeared, on the headrest, looking so powerful and hungry, despite it's little figure. And then I pissed my pants. Not really. That only happens when I watch Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. But I managed to get him onto an old coffee cup sleeve (with the outdated Hypno logo on it, wouldn't wanna improve it and hurt an artist's feelings, now would we?) and he stayed dead still while I brought him inside to show the ladies.
Shee-Ra exclaimed shrilly, "OmiJah! Kill that thing NOW!"

"Alright, where is that asiago pizza...?"

Wow. Such harmful/hateful commands coming from an often sweet and gentle woman...often.  I was then on guard and protecting this fine looking beast from her swatting banter. Hastily we fled to the wonderful place that is outside of your boring right-angle "home." The sun shone brightly on the spider's big  red back, and he began to scamper towards my hand. I tinkled only a little. Deftly, I waited until it was a spider's length from my fingertip and did the ol' flip-a-roo-roo on the little bugger. He had no other choice but to keep moving along the cardboard treadmill prison. Applying his web all the way, I took a trip to the nearby pond and put him in the bamboo-like plants that are overtaking some of my wet yard. Well, I hope that he doesn't find his way back to my vehicle, or the house. Just make a nice little home by the pond, where the yummy bugs play and the dogs won't eat you. Live a simple life in a quiet town. (Post-posting note: My great pal Chip B. informed me that this little creature is a marbled orb weaver (Araneus marmoreus). And, as it turns out, it is totally harmless. Likely more frightened of us than we needed to be of it...)